Why do I care so much what people think?

Other people can give you useful feedback. Their opinions may help you notice something you missed or understand how your actions affect them.

The difficulty may come when you start changing yourself mainly to avoid being judged, disliked or misunderstood.

The question is not whether other people's views should matter at all. It is how much they are shaping your choices.

You may care more about other people's opinions in some situations than others.

• When you are making an important decision.
• When someone disagrees with you.
• When you are trying something new.
• When you need to say no.
• When you feel different from the people around you.
• When someone seems disappointed or distant.

Looking at when the worry appears can be more useful than simply telling yourself to stop caring.

People do not always tell you what they think.

You may notice a look, a short reply or a change in tone and begin filling in the rest yourself.

Your interpretation may be right, but it may also be only one possible explanation.

Separating what you know from what you are assuming can help you see the situation more clearly.

You may feel sure about something until another person reacts differently from how you hoped.

Their disagreement may make you question your decision, explain yourself more or look for reassurance from someone else.

Sometimes their response gives you useful new information. Other times, it simply makes your own choice feel less comfortable.

Two people can understand the same situation differently.

Someone may not agree with your decision, your priorities or the way you want to live.

Their view can matter to you without becoming the final answer about what is right for you.

If you often look outside yourself first, your own view can become harder to hear.

Before asking someone else what they would do, try noticing your first answer.

You can still ask for advice afterwards. The difference is that you have something of your own to compare that advice with.

Caring about someone's opinion in one important moment does not necessarily mean there is a wider pattern.

But if worry about judgement often changes what you say, choose or share, it may be useful to look across several moments.

You may begin to see whose opinions affect you most, what you are worried they will think and when your own view becomes harder to trust.