How to become more self-aware

A simple place to start is noticing how you feel before trying to explain why.

You might feel tired, anxious, hopeful, frustrated or relieved. The feeling does not need to be strong or unusual to be worth noticing.

Giving yourself a moment to name what you feel can make it easier to pay attention to what is happening around it.

Your reactions can sometimes show you what matters to you.

You may notice that certain conversations stay on your mind, some decisions bring a lot of doubt or someone's reaction changes how you feel about your own choice.

Instead of judging the reaction, try to notice what seemed to bring it up.

Self-awareness is not only about recognising emotions. It can also help to notice what you tend to do next.

• Do you ask someone for reassurance?
• Do you start questioning your decision?
• Do you avoid saying what you really want?
• Do you explain yourself more than you planned?
• Do you keep thinking about what happened afterwards?

These responses may be different depending on the situation. Looking at several moments can help you see whether anything keeps returning.

The choices you make can also tell you something about what matters to you.

For example, you may keep choosing peace over disagreement, certainty over risk or someone else's needs over your own.

This does not mean there is anything wrong with those choices. The useful part is noticing what tends to guide you.

It can be hard to see yourself clearly from one day alone.

A reaction may seem unimportant until you notice something similar happening again in another situation.

Looking back across several moments can help you see what tends to repeat, what seems to affect you most and what may be starting to change.

Being self-aware does not mean deciding exactly what kind of person you are and staying with that answer.

Your reactions, needs and priorities can change over time.

Something that used to bother you may become easier. You may become more comfortable saying no, trusting a decision or asking for what you need.

Noticing those changes is also part of understanding yourself.

Self-awareness can become less useful if every reaction turns into a reason to criticise yourself.

Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?”, it may help to ask, “What was happening for me in that moment?”

That keeps the focus on understanding what happened rather than turning one moment into a fixed idea about who you are.